Children as Mirrors

Although I've always believed that our children can teach us, I hadn't realized until relatively recently how deeply those lessons run. A while back, I scolded my son, Luc, for something. He immediately ran into his room and proceeded to chant, "I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself." He even went so far as to start hitting himself. I was dumbfounded not because the behavior was so strange but because he was externalizing all the thoughts that ran through my head when I made a mistake. It had never occurred to me how harshly I treated myself nor how visible that criticism must be until I saw it written all over him.

Since that moment, I've been paying attention to all my flaws reflected in my six-year old mirror. Luc has started to make comments about red lights and slow drivers so I've begun to work on being more patient and tolerant. The other day I ran into Target with the hope of getting out as quickly as possible only to find myself with a very, very slow cashier. (And to make matters worse I had switched lanes thinking it was going to be the faster of the two . . alas) My first reaction was to shoot laser beams out of my eyes so that she would see my dissatisfaction. But I took a deep breath and thought back to all that I'd been hearing in yoga classes. "Don't sweat the small things. What are you rushing for? Live in the moment." I then noticed that she was not purposely slow. She wasn't lazy or untrained. I think she was just developmentally challenged. Nonetheless, I felt myself began to stew until a moment when she apologized for an error in judgment. I realized that she had no idea that she was slow and if she did, she would be sorry. All the tension that had been building inside of me dissipated. It was a small battle that I fought but I won.

Now, let's hope that I can win so often that my little mirror starts reflecting patience.